I'm so excited! I have been camping out at Best Buy for two weeks. I know, it sounds crazy, but I LOVE camping. It was really crowded. I guess I'm not the only one who enjoys camping in a well-lit parking lot. I think I missed something, because when I crawled out of my tent at 8:00 a.m., all the other campers were gone.
Obviously I'm joking. I am not a greedy, materialistic dick bag. I still believe in the value of spending time with family and loved ones during the holidays and always. I am embarassed by my fellow Americans. Do you realize how stupid you look standing out in front of stores for weeks, waiting for Black Friday? Just so you know, these stores are open the weeks prior to Black Friday, validating how ridiculous you look waiting outside for a store to open...when the store is already fucking open?
I've heard idiots defend their greedy behavior by claiming, "Black Friday is tradition in my family". Bullshit. It is not. A family tradition is game night, or Sunday dinner. Not taking twelve people down with pepper spray so you can get an x-box for $199.00, you fucking moron. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays devoted to being surrounded by friends and loved ones. The holidays are a time for laughs, simplicity, sharing stories, and strengthening bonds. At what point did you decide it was okay to throw all your morals out the window so you could get a snuggie with a built in toilet for $5.99? What are you teaching your children, you selfish schmuck? We have people standing in lines wrapping around the corner for a hot meal, and here you sit, waiting to spend your money on some worthless piece of shit gift that is going to be in a garage sale or pawn shop next month. All because you have to prove how important you are. You are shallow. Obviously, you have such a disconnect, you have no idea how to express the most priceless gift-the gift of time. Yeah, you know that time you wasted sitting on a curb for six months to save fifty cents on the new DVD player that cooks your food and wipes your ass? You could have been doing something helpful, like contributing to society by raising your child, or just ceasing to exist.
I've seen footage of people being trampled and losing their weaves while busting down doors to be the first to get the 90 inch tv that injects pure gravy into your bloodstream. I've heard of an employee being crushed to death because the hoards of people just kept running over him.
So continue, America. Continue maintaining the image of stupid, materialistic baboons. These are, after all, the things that matter most in life.
