Did I mention I hate.....

I hate small talk.  Riding in an elevator with a stranger is akward enough.  Discussing the painfully obvious with that stranger is absurd.  Yeah, I know the weather is hot.  It's Florida.  In May.  Where'd you obtain your meteorolgy degree?
I know the gas prices are high.  Discussing the outrageous prices is not going to cause them to go down. If it bothers you enough to discuss it with me, perhaps you should look into alternative means of transportation.  And shut the fuck up.
"Is it Friday yet?", "I can't believe it's Monday", or "Hump day...We're almost there", are unacceptable to me.  I even see people post these as their Facebook status.  I am perfectly coherent.  I do not suffer from dementia or Alzheimer's, I am not in a coma, and I am not Terri Schaivo.  I know damned well what day of the week it is.   What can I possibly contribute to those statements to make this a riveting conversation?  NOTHING.

I hate going into a public restroom and someone starts a conversation with me as I'm entering a stall.  It takes every ounce of concentration I have to overcome "stage fright" and start peeing. I can't start until I am able to stop answering your questions about what I'm doing this weekend.  Because of this, the person who started the conversation must assume I have to poop, as I'm just sitting there, quietly.  In turn, I spend too much time in the public restroom, and come out afterward hoping nobody else thinks I pooped. 

While on the subject, I hate people who poop in public.  Come on, man.  Your life is that busy that you can't squeeze a quick crap into your time at home?  Nobody else wants to smell that.  Also, spraying air freshener does not eliminate the fecal odor.  It simply highlights the fact that you just took a dump and stunk up the bathroom.  This is why you should do this at home. 

I hate walking through a stranger's fart residual. 

I hate that I only ever see fat, sloppy people wearing scrubs.  Do scrubs only come in size XXXXL?  And as nurses, shouldn't these people be represented better?  How can you take care of someone ill if you can't even brush your hair.  How can you tell someone to eat healthier when you obviously don't  know the meaning of diet and exercise?  I can't take you seriously. 

I hate tight shirts on men.  Especially Affliction, Tap Out, Ed Hardy, and shirts with skulls on them.  Unless you are a famous MMA fighter (even that is questionable), don't wear them.  If you do, I thank you for giving me a head's up that you're a douchebag.  The big, tacky logos give me ample time to turn and run in the other direction.

I hate those little white chunks of solid matter that mysteriously appear out of nowhere in my mouth.  What are you, and where did you come from?  

I hate people who feel the need to come to a complete stop before making a right turn.  It's alright, I'll just slam on my brakes so you don't have to counter-balance yourselves.  Anything to make you comfortable. 

I hate finding fingernails on the floor/ground. 

I hate that everywhere I walk, I see dental floss picks laying on the ground.  I'm convinced they bounce off the rim of the trash can.  I don't understand.  For as many of the picks I see littering the ground, I see an awful lot of people with extremely poor dental hygiene.  Where are these people that are throwing these things?  And why don't they throw them in the trash?

I hate trying to talk to someone who has eye boogers.

I hate people trying to talk to me while I'm obviously working.  I especially hate people that don't say, "good morning" and don't give me a chance to sit down and grab my coffee before approaching me with some trivial work issue.

I hate bunchy elastic waist pants.  What happens when you turn 65 that you can no longer wear regular button-up slacks?  Why, at around the same time, does it become necessary to slide your waist to just under your armpit?  Do old people find long butts sexy?  Is this a trend I am not aware of in the retirement community?  Also, why do all old ladies get the same hair cut?  Is this a rite of passage into retirement?  "Well Ethel, I'm turning 70 tomorrow.  You know what that means?  I made my appointment at Fantastic Sam's to get my hair chopped off and permed.  I can't wait."

I hate those shoes that nurses and old ladies wear.  They're either tan or black, have velcro involved somewhere, and are hideous.  This shows me that you have completely given up.  Congratulations.

I hate that most Irish people are only proud to be Irish around St. Patrick's Day.  But really, what else do you have going for you?  Lucky Charms? You can drink a lot?  Awesome.  I'm really impressed.

I hate lot stalkers.  Lot stalkers are those that sit in a parking lot lane with fourteen cars behind them, with their blinker on, waiting for the guy in a close spot to back out.  There are 25,000 empty spots around the corner, but this jerk off sees the need to inconvenience everyone around him. 

I hate it when people ask me where they should eat and what restaurants to avoid.  If I gave you an honest answer, you'd simply say, "No way", and continue to eat there anyway.  For this reason, if you have asked me this question, or plan on asking me this question, expect to get a bull shit answer.  I'm a health inspector, not your personal restaurant critic.