Let me start this rant by giving my disclaimer. I am a huge advocate for paying it forward. I believe that to see the good in this world, you must contribute to the good in this world. When I say "contribute to the good", I don't just mean monetarily. The best gifts in life are not material possessions. Take a few hours out of your "busy" schedule to make a difference. If you haven't tried it, you should start, asshole. What the hell is wrong with you? That being said....I'd now like to address the bone of contention I'm sure I'm about to cause.
This weekend was our local Susan G. Komen For the Cure breast cancer three day. If you're not familiar with this (what, are you under a God damned rock?), allow me to explain. The breast cancer 3-day is an event in which each individual must flush a minimum of $2300.00 down the toilet to participate. Once participants sign the contract agreeing to do so, they spend the next 9 months bragging and boring everyone around them about how they're making a difference. About a month before the 3-day, and for the entire month of October, the Susan G. Komen For the Cure Fund shoves pink ribbons down two-thirds of Americans throats. They do this by advertising on television, billboards, radio, newspapers, breaking into your house while you're asleep, and through hypnosis. Other means are being researched (with all that "donation" money). Never once in these ads do they educate the population on what this money actually goes to. All the ads do say is, "make a difference. Donate today". The 3-day hoopla starts 3 months ahead, with a bunch of old, fat ladies wearing pink, getting together and walking in herds down the busiest streets in the city. This always occurs during rush hour. These are the ladies who are still a touch too young to join the red hat society, so they must don everything pink and parade their fat asses around letting everyone know how wonderful they are for wasting, er, spending their money on something everyone knows about. Finally, the 3-day event arrives. This "empowering" event is celebrated by all the village idiots. Assholes put pink bras all over their cars, paint stupid ass sayings, such as "knead your knockers", or "Save the Tata's", on their windows, honk, block traffic, blast god-awful monster love ballads, and go, "WOOOO!" This continues for three days, blocking all the major travel routes, causing multiple serious (some fatal)accidents, and leaving one hell of a mess in it's wake. When all is said and done, these fucking idiots wind up with blisters the size of Mount Rushmore on their hammer toes. That's all they have to show for walking (give or take) 60 miles. Oh, and they're at least $2300 poorer.
Seriously? Breast cancer? Yeah, I get it. It sucks. You know what else sucks? When a six year old is dying of Leukemia. When a soldier is injured, fighting for your freedom to blow your fucking money on a hokey "charity". You're not out there raising awareness for them, now, are you? No, instead, you hop on the bandwagon of "For the Cure" bullshit. Here's some information for you, since Susan G. Komen is all about education....This organization is a joke. The overhead cost is outrageous, and, according to Guidestar.org, Susan G Komen For the Cure took in $135 million last year. Of that, used $74 million for "research", and only $10,000 for grants to those affected by breast cancer. The rest of that cash was used to pay employees (most in the six figure range) and contractors.
What makes breast cancer so much more important than Leukemia, or diabetes, or typhoid fever for that matter? Not a fucking thing. They are all potentially deadly.
So to you, you fat, ugly, old bitches, I say this: You should be ashamed of yourselves. It's embarrassing to think that nobody does their research before trying to "make a difference". Come on, isn't it a dead giveaway that Susan G Komen won't even let you participate unless you raise at least $2300.00? Also, you just wasted three beautiful days. You could have spent those three days volunteering at your local library, or visiting the elderly at a nursing home. You could have taken that $2300 and donated it anonymously to a college fund for an underprivileged child, or washed dogs at the SPCA. I could go on, but I'm too pissed that so many people jump on the bandwagon of something so ridiculous.
I'm tired. In closing, I say, "Fuck you, Susan G. Komen, whoever the fuck you were. You have ruined the color pink for me. I am aware now. Aware that your organization is a joke." The three day walkers should be aware, too. Aware that all that pink makes them look like fucking flamingos with thyroid problems. I recommend they change their color to neon yellow. Not only because many of the participants are the size of a school bus, but because it's only a matter of time before one or twenty of them get pegged on Gulf Blvd.
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