I Also Hate

As I'm out for my run, I start thinking of more and more things that annoy the piss out of me.  Hate is a strong word, but I'll use it loosely.  It works for these rants. 

I hate when people clip their nails in public.  Especially in restaurants. There's a time and place for that. It's when you're taking a shit. 

I hate people who don Looney Tunes attire.  Actually, I hate anything Looney Tunes.  I've only ever seen it worn by white trash.  Yosemite Sam mud flaps that say "Back Off"? Yeah, when's the last time you saw those on a Range Rover?

I hate when people don't squeeze pimples.  If they're white or black on top, and the size of a fetus, just squeeze it.  That's all I see when I talk to you. 

I hate fart cans and rear spoilers on compact cars.  I'm sorry, were you in The Fast and The Furious? A rear spoiler and fart can are NOT going to make your 4-banger go 0 to 60 in .3 seconds.  In fact, your car probably can't go 0 to 60 ever.  Save your cash for a new subwoofer, prick.

I hate teenage boys with Justin Beiber hair.  They're going to throw out their necks flipping their heads to get their feathered bangs out of their eyes. 

I hate skinny jeans.  They highlight the fact that the people wearing them don't have an ass.  I can say this.  I have an ass.  I must wear "fat jeans".

I hate the ho-bag in the car in front of me with a "save our sea turtles" license plate.  Yeah, you chucking your McDonald's bag out the window helps.  Keep saving those sea turtles.  What next?  Clubbing a seal while protesting BP?

I hate that people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're".  Seriously?  We don't know about contractions?  Second grade called, they want their "all star student" sticker back, you tard.

I hate that farting is not socially acceptable unless you're between the ages of 0-7, or 70-dead.  The world would be much less uptight if we all just farted more. 

I hate that talking about farts still makes me giggle.  What am I? 9?

I hate those stick figure stickers on the back windows of cars.  I don't care that you have four skinny kids and a dog that looks like it has thyroid issues. 

I hate when you can't understand someone speaking to you, ask them to repeat, and you still can't understand them, so you smile and agree....Only to realize later they were trying to tell you your fly was down. 

I hate bluetooth earpieces. You look like a douche box.  Unless you're juggling flaming bowling pins on a unicycle, you can hold a phone to your ear.

I hate people who honk 3 seconds after the light turns green.  Can't they see I'm applying my makeup, texting, scratching my ass, and taking a swig from my Tommy Bahama flask?  Patience, people.